We normally play over drinks. The loser pays. Not a huge stake but necessary to keep things slightly competitive and put the players on the edge. For me, if I win, I'd get the incentive to quench my thirst. If I lose, I'd take it as a small price for a squash lesson.
Last night's sparring match was no different. Just that I didn't feel too good going into it, my mind was worlds away. Didn't feel confident on my prep at all. Still when the loser has to pay, the battle is normally a little fiercer, temperature higher. Was I up for it? I didn't have to agree to it, but I did. So, game on....best of five games!
If I've to beat this guy who is fitter and far more experienced, it's almost mandatory to win game 1. Otherwise it'll be uphill all the way....next to impossible. I wasn't sufficiently psyched up. And I thought the bounce of the ball was slow and awkward. I lost game 1. 0-1
While re-warming up for game 2 after the short interval, my suspicion was proven right. The ball was indeed broken. Hence the weird bounces. But game 1 was gone forever. Can't blame the ball or anyone. No looking back. Just had to get on with it. Warmed up a new ball and played. I won game 2. 1-1
And then I won game 3. 2-1 in my favour. Needed just one more to wrap up the match.
I was leading game 4...had match balls, but blew my lead and then the game. Lost game 4. It's often demoralising to lose a game that you had in your hand. But game 4 was gone forever too. 2-2.
By game 5 (final game where the winner takes all), I was exhausted. My body wasn't prep to last 5 games but like it or not, I had to fight on. It's a battle of wills now. To my surprise (probably his too), I pushed into a commanding lead at 8-1 to hold match ball (up to 9 points). I couldn't finish the match on my serve and lost the service. But still, at 8-1, surely that's an unassailable lead right? It was my game to lose. During the chaos of the rally of that point, my opponent hit a desperate wild shot, in a direction completely outside of his intent...the ball smacked right into the right side of my face, at high speed! Ouch!!! $*^&@#$%&*!!!
After I recovered from that 'accident' (and giving my opponent a lecture on safety play!), I lost the next 7 points for him to tie for deuce at 8-8. But those were brutal rallies, but my mind was gone. Then my body was gone too. Psychologically I was destroyed, having surrendered that 'unassailable' lead. If you play competitive sports, you'll understand what I mean. So, what could I do? I'd lost all confidence of winning. Bag of tricks emptied. My brains lacked oxygen to think, let alone come up with new strategies. Lactic acids had accumulated so much my limps felt like logs. My opponent had all the confidence in the world now, and physically he looked like he could just go on and on. In my mind, I've lost the match already.
I also felt like a piece of thrash!
At 8-8, I called for 2-point deuce, to play to 10. I somehow dug deep and won the next rally, and then a point to hold match ball at 9-8. I couldn't remember how many more rallies we played but I eventually won, on his error at the final match ball. Yes, I won.
After collapsing on the floor outside the court, I was thinking "how did I win there"? All the matches that I had won before, I'd always felt good and knew I could win them. This was a unique one, I won without the confidence, nor the desire.
While enjoying my free drink (oh it tasted soooo goood!!!!), my opponent said he couldn't live with my tricky fancy shots in the middle of the match. I enjoy playing disguise and deception shots. Like in a chessboard, I sometimes draw great satisfactions in waging psychological warfare to leave my opponents guessing, and fooled with misdirections. Squash has the angles (and walls) that no other racquet sports have, to do all that. And when combined with all the gruelling physical punishment, it's the ultimate game for me!
But I know for sure I didn't win the match because of how 'fancy' I played. I was mentally destroyed towards the end. I ran out of ideas. Couldn't dish out anything special anymore. But I remember making a conscious effort to keep my shots as simple as possible, back to the basic of the bread and butter shots, of good length, depth and width. And then hang on for dear life and see what happens.
At the end of the day, it was my ability to hang on that had won the night. Simple pure tenacity and determination. You don't have to outplay sometimes, just outlast. Not pretty but it worked. You see, one of my greatest natural traits (both a strength and weakness) is stubbornness. Had it since in my mother's womb (the doctor commented). As I lay there on the floor after the game (almost passed out!), I made a mental note for the day: "You can still win when it's already lost". At that final stage, it's not so much of belief, or desire or will anymore. Definitely not skills. Nothing special. Just plain, good old stubbornness...to stick right till the end no matter what. Refuse to throw in the towel. A resolve of steel. Willing to 'forget' the disappointments in the earlier part and play like there's no tomorrow. Only hang on to the present. That was all I could give and that was all which was required. In doing that, I called my opponent's bluff: he was actually as tired as I was, if not more, as much as he tried to put on a brave front. Hence, that mistake from him in the final point!
After rested and changed into a fresh t-shirt, I stood up to offer another match but my friend refused. He just couldn't wait to get out of there! =)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment