"Pain is Temporary..." (It's Not About The Bike)

I just finished the book "It's Not About The Bike" by Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins over the weekend. Although I'd bought and had a copy with me for two years, I somehow wasn't motivate to read it until last week, after I realized Lance is also an INTJ (a MBTI type) like me. There aren't many INTJs I can choose to model after. After all, this is the rarest of all of the 16 MBTI types and I'm particularly particular about choosing a model.

I've tons of other books and things to read and do, but thought why not give this book a couple of minutes of reading and see how far I'd like to go. What's this guy's story? I already knew what Lance is all about: his survival from cancer and comeback to triumph in seven Tour de France championships. I knew the story in this book had inspire millions. But I'd never approach reading an autobiography from the angle of MBTI type, especially a fellow INTJ. This would be the first.

The first paragraph of the first page caught me instantly, which begins like this...

"I WANT TO DIE at a hundred years old with an American flag on my back and the star of Texas on my helmet, after screaming down an Alpine descent on a bicycle at 75 miles per hour. I want to cross one last finish line as my stud wife and my ten children applaud, and then I want to lie down in a field of those famous French sunflowers and gracefully expire, the perfect contradiction to my once-anticipated poignant early demise.

"A slow death is not for me. I don't do anything slow, not even breathe...."

...and with that I decided I'd never put down the book until I'm done with it.

The book didn't just inform or entertain me. Inspire would also be an understated word to describe it. I just needed a book like this for this particular time in my life.

How Did Tiger Wood's Public Statement Affect You?

Last week, Tiger Woods stunned the world by issuing a statement of apology for his unfaithfulness and cheating on his family and the world. I'm surprised by the total bluntness of his confession. How often do you see a world champion/top celebrity give such a press statement, expressing his deep remorse and taking full responsibility for his behaviour and the huge impact on the people that believed in him?

It's worth reading his press statement transcript in its entirety, or you can watch the video below which captured most of it.



Is he truly repentant? Or is he sorry for getting caught?

Can a sex addict truly change? Can a man really change his habit, behaviour? Can a tiger loses its "basic instincts"?

Some said this is merely a publicity stunt, to salvage what is left of his relationships, battered reputation and mega-million bucks of sponsorships. And once everything is back to normal and close media scrutiny's gone, he'll get right back to his old sins.

They may be right!

How did you respond to his apology statement? What has it got to do with YOU in the first place, right?

As an idealist and a fan of sports, I truly hope that this great champion will be able to overcome his private inner struggles as victoriously as his public success and eventually emerge as a "total" winner.

As a man, I'm glad he owned up to his mistakes and made a public commitment to change himself.

As a believer in the cross, I pray that he'll find true hope and the way. Buddhism may sound so right in its many forms and christian practices perceived to be hypocritical, but that doesn't change the objective truth about the power in the blood of the lamb and the promises of the eternal Word.

It's far too easy to be cynical and it costs nothing. On the other hand, it's risky to put your trust in an offender believing that he won't let you down again. This is the path of pain. And of faith, hope and love. For someone like Tiger Woods. For someone like you and me.

Winning All The Way

Just read this excellent, short post by Chris Widener on winning. Totally agree with his idea of winning, and playing to win.

Here's the introduction:

Have you ever heard, “It isn’t whether you win or lose; it is how you play the game”? I’m sure you have. But do you know who said it? Some guy who came in second place!

You see, I have a problem with that statement. It presupposes, or at least strongly suggests, that winning and playing the game “right” are mutually exclusive propositions. Perhaps we ought to have this as our goal as we pursue success: We want to win, but only by playing the game the right way. I totally disagree with the statement that we should win at all costs. Rather, we should do everything we can to win at this game we call life. And we ought to do all that we can to help others win, too.

With that, here are some thoughts on staying in the game—to win.

Any game worth playing is a game worth pursuing to win. If I get into a game, I play to win. What nobility is there in playing like a slacker? What virtue is purposeful mediocrity? None. I live my life to be a winner—spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally, even relationally—in every area of my life.

Read the rest of the post here.

Kings, Kingdoms, Voice and the Clock

Have you ever read of stories of wise servants advising their emperors/kings only to be silenced or killed? Those stories were true. When I read about the Romance of Three Kingdoms as a child, I used to wonder what's the point of rulers employing people who could not disagree with them. They got death sentences for offering wise counsels. What price! People say words are cheap. Not all of them, that's for sure!

Well, those are old stories. But it's the same even now.

I remember clearly of a lesson on servanthood. Someone taught this: to really serve the kingdom under the ruler who has gone "kuku" (astray), may mean you may have to go against that ruler, and the government who has lost its way. That "someone" paid his price.

What is the price of a prophet these days? I wonder what's the price for finding your voice, and using it these days. I wrote sometime ago that one of the greatest tragedies in life is not recognizing your own voice. And not using it.

Many ways of doing it. Many voice out blatantly in media. Some are so upfront that they got shot. Some made their voice heard in a different manner, like the assasination attempt on Hitler's life (and those evil Chinese emperors of old). Many also do it in songs, through their music. Through art. Some are writers, some poets. Some make movies (one came to my mind right now is 'V' for Vendetta). Many had become so disillusioned by everything that they turn to drugs, drinking and other forms of escapism.

I'm biding my time.

During my chess tournament days (long long time ago, I miss those battling days), my captain and teammates used to nickname me the Python. Because I never go for the kill when I had my preys in my hands. I toyed with them, slowly and patiently wrapping around their legs, thighs, torsos, hands and then finally the neck. I didn't do it consciously but that was just me.

I remember one particular match where I laid the perfect 'clock trap' for my opponent. In the midst of a tense middle game where the positions of the pieces were quite chaotic, I deliberately made a quick move and left my seat for the bathroom, which was a long way away outside the tournament hall. He fell right into my trap by rushing his move, seeing that I was away, so he could hit the clock and "steal" my time (not much left), and continued thinking his subsequent moves. That was a hasty move which cost him everything. I was all smile (on the inside) upon returning to my seat, discovering what blunder my opponent had made. Of course I put on a panicked face, but a few moves later, the match was all over. It's not about how much time you can make how many number of moves. Because ONE move can win or cost you the match.

This is how I like to normally play, and do things. But my mom used to lament that I'd always leave things till the very last moment.

Ok, I hear the chess clock ticking....but I'll not let it run out on me. I still need to test a few positions before I make up my mind. Every piece can be tested. But not every piece carries the same weight.

Just thinking what gambit should I play next?

Lesson of being Squash-ed Last Night

We normally play over drinks. The loser pays. Not a huge stake but necessary to keep things slightly competitive and put the players on the edge. For me, if I win, I'd get the incentive to quench my thirst. If I lose, I'd take it as a small price for a squash lesson.

Last night's sparring match was no different. Just that I didn't feel too good going into it, my mind was worlds away. Didn't feel confident on my prep at all. Still when the loser has to pay, the battle is normally a little fiercer, temperature higher. Was I up for it? I didn't have to agree to it, but I did. So, game on....best of five games!

If I've to beat this guy who is fitter and far more experienced, it's almost mandatory to win game 1. Otherwise it'll be uphill all the way....next to impossible. I wasn't sufficiently psyched up. And I thought the bounce of the ball was slow and awkward. I lost game 1. 0-1

While re-warming up for game 2 after the short interval, my suspicion was proven right. The ball was indeed broken. Hence the weird bounces. But game 1 was gone forever. Can't blame the ball or anyone. No looking back. Just had to get on with it. Warmed up a new ball and played. I won game 2. 1-1

And then I won game 3. 2-1 in my favour. Needed just one more to wrap up the match.

I was leading game 4...had match balls, but blew my lead and then the game. Lost game 4. It's often demoralising to lose a game that you had in your hand. But game 4 was gone forever too. 2-2.

By game 5 (final game where the winner takes all), I was exhausted. My body wasn't prep to last 5 games but like it or not, I had to fight on. It's a battle of wills now. To my surprise (probably his too), I pushed into a commanding lead at 8-1 to hold match ball (up to 9 points). I couldn't finish the match on my serve and lost the service. But still, at 8-1, surely that's an unassailable lead right? It was my game to lose. During the chaos of the rally of that point, my opponent hit a desperate wild shot, in a direction completely outside of his intent...the ball smacked right into the right side of my face, at high speed! Ouch!!! $*^&@#$%&*!!!

After I recovered from that 'accident' (and giving my opponent a lecture on safety play!), I lost the next 7 points for him to tie for deuce at 8-8. But those were brutal rallies, but my mind was gone. Then my body was gone too. Psychologically I was destroyed, having surrendered that 'unassailable' lead. If you play competitive sports, you'll understand what I mean. So, what could I do? I'd lost all confidence of winning. Bag of tricks emptied. My brains lacked oxygen to think, let alone come up with new strategies. Lactic acids had accumulated so much my limps felt like logs. My opponent had all the confidence in the world now, and physically he looked like he could just go on and on. In my mind, I've lost the match already.

I also felt like a piece of thrash!

At 8-8, I called for 2-point deuce, to play to 10. I somehow dug deep and won the next rally, and then a point to hold match ball at 9-8. I couldn't remember how many more rallies we played but I eventually won, on his error at the final match ball. Yes, I won.

After collapsing on the floor outside the court, I was thinking "how did I win there"? All the matches that I had won before, I'd always felt good and knew I could win them. This was a unique one, I won without the confidence, nor the desire.

While enjoying my free drink (oh it tasted soooo goood!!!!), my opponent said he couldn't live with my tricky fancy shots in the middle of the match. I enjoy playing disguise and deception shots. Like in a chessboard, I sometimes draw great satisfactions in waging psychological warfare to leave my opponents guessing, and fooled with misdirections. Squash has the angles (and walls) that no other racquet sports have, to do all that. And when combined with all the gruelling physical punishment, it's the ultimate game for me!

But I know for sure I didn't win the match because of how 'fancy' I played. I was mentally destroyed towards the end. I ran out of ideas. Couldn't dish out anything special anymore. But I remember making a conscious effort to keep my shots as simple as possible, back to the basic of the bread and butter shots, of good length, depth and width. And then hang on for dear life and see what happens.

At the end of the day, it was my ability to hang on that had won the night. Simple pure tenacity and determination. You don't have to outplay sometimes, just outlast. Not pretty but it worked. You see, one of my greatest natural traits (both a strength and weakness) is stubbornness. Had it since in my mother's womb (the doctor commented). As I lay there on the floor after the game (almost passed out!), I made a mental note for the day: "You can still win when it's already lost". At that final stage, it's not so much of belief, or desire or will anymore. Definitely not skills. Nothing special. Just plain, good old stubbornness...to stick right till the end no matter what. Refuse to throw in the towel. A resolve of steel. Willing to 'forget' the disappointments in the earlier part and play like there's no tomorrow. Only hang on to the present. That was all I could give and that was all which was required. In doing that, I called my opponent's bluff: he was actually as tired as I was, if not more, as much as he tried to put on a brave front. Hence, that mistake from him in the final point!

After rested and changed into a fresh t-shirt, I stood up to offer another match but my friend refused. He just couldn't wait to get out of there! =)

Getting out of the way (Part 3)

This is another long post, hopefully to get everything out on what I intended to write earlier. Again I'm writing this for myself. I'm putting down years of accumulation of thoughts into record, get them out of the way so that I can process new thoughts. :)

By now the whole world knows that Phelps succeeded in smashing Spitz's record by winning 8 golds in a single Olympic games (with 7 new world records and 1 new Olympic record). He's coming out with an autobiography and someday I'll buy and read it. I wanna know the processes that he took.

I love playing squash. This game has really transformed my life. Joined a local club and played for the team for over six years now. I was spotted by a club player who later became our team captain. He gave me countless of advices, trained and sparred with me. Earlier this year, my captain left for Singapore to further his career. Sad, but I still play on because I love the game so much.

Why do I love the game of squash? Firstly, it's deeply engaging, technically and physically. It's a thinking game, perfect test for mental sharpness, strategic thinking and willpower. It's the most challenging and interesting among all racket games. But the thing is, only players can truly appreciate the game, not spectators. Maybe that's why the Olympics committee has no idea what they've been missing all these decades. Many of our club squash players retired and moved on to other racket sports and dominate them. But when it comes to squash, they just can't keep up with its demands anymore.

I play/train twice a week for many years now. I've suffered many (minor) injuries. 3 years ago, my captain thought I would quit after marriage. But no, I've not slowed down. Because, in a typical routine week, the hours that I spend in the squash court are the times I feel alive the most. Unless of injury or holidays, I rarely skip my squash sessions. Or unless all my squash buddies can't make it somehow.

One of the best thing the game has brought out in me is the warrior, and the hunter. I put myself to the test every week. Exercising my competitive muscles. The thrill (perhaps the need?) to be at the edge, not to be safe. I put myself in a win or lose situation again and again, over many hundreds of matches, over the years.

Fitness. They say the best fitness plan (to stay in "shape") is one you really enjoy and will most likely stick to, regardless of types of workouts or games. I say the best way is to choose a game you love, and get yourself into competitive mode. To be at the cutting edge. You'll give everything to learn and master the game. Losing weight will be the last thing you think because you will accomplish that in the process without looking for it, while having lotsa fun and fulfilling your need to win. Yes, I think the need to win (conquest) is one of man's fundamental needs. The arena of sports are perfect places to sharpen your saw, and a forgiving place too (unless you're a pro). Back to fitness. I really pity those who exercise to lose weight. They've got it all wrong. They're not fully using themselves, and therefore they're fighting a losing battle, just a matter of time. Just my opinion, ok?

This year, I've learnt something new. All along, I've known that it takes great mental strength to direct my body, to play through the grueling rallies. And to do that it requires tremendous willpower. And where is the source of willpower? This year I realized that it is DESIRE. Desire is one of the highest human motivational power. During countless of matches, I often ask myself "how much do I WANT to win this?", "do I really want this match?" And many times, thoughts like "maybe not today" and "maybe the next match, next week" crept into my mind. Many times I've decided that certain battles are just not worth the amount of punishment. It's impossible to sustain a high level for very long. That's why I said I had to put myself into these situations to exercise my 'muscles'. The key lies in transforming desires into wills. And the cycles of engaging-disengaging will hopefully strengthen that more.

The Zone. What is getting into the Zone? It's not often I experience it but when I do, it's one of the most pleasurable feelings in the world. You definitely can't get into it by being idle, being safe. It comes when you're in the processes of something incredibly challenging (this is one of the conditions), body and mind. But when you 'drift' into the Zone, things become quite effortless because you focus on the right things, often the simpler things, not worry about results, enjoy being in the moment, enjoy playing and everything will just flow together.

And there is no striving when in the Zone. It's like I'm getting out of the way of myself, letting all my years of training and experience, and dreams come together in a perfect integration, and just flow with it. When I'm in it, I lose track of time, almost surreal (I wrote about a similar experience while climbing Mount Kinabalu in a much earlier post). Results will be the last thing in mind, but often come inevitably. And at the end of the game, I'll be thinking "Over already ah?" Because I don't want to get out of it, I have boundless energy that could go on and on.

Someone described the Zone as this: "that amazing experience of ease, control and well-being when you don't feel as if you have to make the sport happen because it almost seems to be happening on its own, and you're just going along for an intensely pleasurable ride." I totally agree with that.

Many said he was arrogant but I'm not surprised to see Usain Bolt had lots of fun while smashing the 100m sprinting world records at Olympics with incredible ease. He wasn't making fun of things. He was in the Zone! They have no idea. Phelps too had lots of fun. He didn't let the 8-gold-medals thingy get into his head, he was enjoying himself every moment, every day in the Olympics. Every food he ate, everyone he met. That's why they were saying he was such an extremely friendly guy for someone so successful. Wait for the autobiography.

These days of playing, I've too many distracting thoughts getting in the way. Heck! Most of them are not even my problems. I need to learn how to block out certain thoughts at important times, like they don't exist. Otherwise it's like pulling up the handbrakes when it's time to accelerate. Winning or losing is not the final matter, it's when I'm unable to give my all when I want to, which irks me most.

That's why I admire sportsmen who are often put under pressure and yet able to perform at ease. Especially those with the odds stacking against them. I would love to get into their minds to learn a few things. Natural talents and giftings aside, I think there's something greater in them that makes them excel. Something everyone can catch if they seek for it. To be the best one can be, not to compare with someone else.

At the end of the year, I'll buy and read Lance Armstrong's autobiography "It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back To Life". Another story of an amazing guy who won Tour de France with a record of seven consecutive years. What's amazing is that he only managed to do it AFTER he recovered from testicular cancer. Some said he wouldn't have been the great champion he was without the cancer. A tremendous inner battle he overcame before he conquered the world. Another great example of one racing with himself first, so that he could get out of his own way. I'm delighted to hear in the radio news yesterday that he's coming out of retirement back to cycling, to raise global awareness of cancer. Can he win his eight Tour de France next year?

Am I ready for squash tonight? I'm still excited as ever. And when the time comes when I lose the desire to play, I'll hang up my racket. And play another sport? I cannot imagine just yet!

I can't wait to meet back my (now ex) captain for this weekend's championship. Haven't seen him for many months.

Getting out of the way (Part 2)

I was thinking on how to continue with Part 2, but Phelps just helped me. Between my last post and the time of writing, Michael Phelps had won FIVE gold medals (all with new world records!) at this Beijing Olympic and ELEVEN in his career Olympic golds. He achieved immortality of being the most successful Olympian of all time (previous was nine gold medals), and he's not done yet.

Before the Games started, Phelps was asked if he could break Spitz's long-held record of winning the most (7) gold medals in one Olympic. He didn't cave in to the world's expectation. He said that was the media and the world's expectation of him, his own goal was never published. Well answered, like a true champion.

During yesterday's butterfly event, his strongest opponent was his eyewear. His goggles were filled up with water till he could hardly see. After touching the wall, he ripped them off and angrily looked at the board (not even around him), and realized he broke another world record. But he was still upset as he didn't swim below his targeted time. He certainly didn't care about world records! Just like the best of the bests, in his mind, Phelps is one who race only with himself. The others were just fighting for silvers, and felt honored just to be in the same pool as Phelps.

Phelps have three more events to go, and with the tougher events behind him, his only obstacle is himself. Will he be contented now and let the "best Olympian ever" title get into his head, or focus on the task at hand and achieve the impossible EIGHT?

Will he get out of his own way, like what he has been doing all along up till this point?

(to be continued)

Getting out of the way (Part 1)

Few days ago Michael Phelps was asked what goes on in his mind when he hits the water. He simply said "nothing", just totally "in the Zone" as he glides pass his competition. A multiple world record holder, Phelps is expected to win many gold medals in the Beijing Olympics. He's competing in eight swimming events, and no one has ever won more than seven gold medals (in a single games). The world is expecting him to make history and to be the best ever.

I marvel at how athletes like Michael Phelps handle pressure. I'm talking about immense pressure to perform. How do they shut out everyone and every distraction to perform at their very best? Tiger Woods has a laser-beam like focus, also known as the "Tiger Trance". He also has this ability to be completely absorbed and lose everything around him as he drills ball after ball into the holes.

Elite athletes like them talked about one of the keys in getting into the Zone: by getting out of their own way.

(to be continued)

Happening Week

My blog has been slightly dormant, but that's because my life is totally the opposite.

Last weekend was our Young Adults Retreat 2008 at Eagle Ranch. What can I say but it was another successful outing...totally awesome and enjoyable. Will write more and post my photos soon enough. Too much to write and too many photos!

Yesterday, I did the confined water training at SPCC (Selangor Polo Country Club) with Sherene, Jacky and Janielle. The trainer was none other than Ps John himself. It was a full day of practical diving skills...but everything was over so fast. Ps John said we managed to fulfill all the skills and the extra options which most instructors and students would normally skip. All of us also swam continuously for 200 meters and then tread water for 10 minutes. We were satisfied with our performances and had a nice dinner at Asia Cafe in Subang to fill our hungry stomachs. Can't wait for open sea!

This morning I woke up to the news of the Red Devils lifting the Champions League cup again! Glory United!! You're the best of the best!!

The week passes by so fast that it's gonna be Friday tomorrow...which means Cell day! Can't wait to fellowship with the wonderful, colourful people in the cell. And then it's weekend....some things are coming up...

Big Day Tomorrow

In all my life, I've not come across a bigger 8th March day than tomorrow's.

Let's see, it's the general election which is gonna be very interesting. Everyone I talked to seems to be voting for change. You can sense the upheaval and the shakings going on. God have mercy on our nation.

It's also my sis' wedding day. Another milestone for my family. Relatives from Australia had been down staying with us, eagerly anticipating the event. I'm praying for a smooth and happy one.

It's also the Final of KL Open 2008. Ever since CIMB sponsored this event which has held in Berjaya Times Square two years ago, I've not missed going to the final. But this time I have to. Sigh. Last year's final between our very own Nicol David and Natalie Grinham (World No. 1 & 2 respectively) was thrilling. Went down to the wire in five gruelling sets. The atmosphere was electrifying, with hundreds of fans all around the shopping complex cheering for her, though I doubt not half of them even understood the game of squash. I sense that Nicol is up to it again this year. She's simply quite untouchable.

So many important things going on....gonna be a huge day.