Places

When I was chatting with a friend today about work, life and direction, he asked me this question: "UK, Australia, Malaysia, where do you choose?"

This Malaysian friend is my ex-coursemate in Southampton (UK) and ex-colleague where our boss has recently migrated to Melbourne. He's from Taiping who spent all these years working in KL. His dream is to return to Taiping with wife and kids but somehow felt trapped in KL. He's coming to an intersection at the end of this year, and like me, seeking a new direction.

So what's with the places?

Australia. My ex-boss was so unhappy and fed up with things here, so he ran to Melbourne earlier this year to start all over. I wonder if he's happy now. I've many relatives in Melbourne too...opened their invitations for me to visit them since forever but I've yet to do that.

UK. I left UK exactly ten years ago. Many of my peers were amazed I was returning to Malaysia without continuing postgrad there. Many of them would not wanna return home after they've tasted life there.

Malaysia. Home forever?

All my life I've never envy my Aussie cousins. There's nothing they have that we lack here. And in some ways, I think we're "superior" to them. Nor my friends who chose to stay on in UK. I followed my heart which led me back home though I didn't know what was in store.

When I returned from UK ten years ago, I faced the darkest hours of my life. Many things were in ruin. But I remember that train ride to Taiping to visit my friends. I was all alone when a stranger came up to me to chat. He shared words of wisdom to me. He said my life at that point (as a fresh grad) was like a blank white canvas. I could paint it however I want. I could make it a masterpiece to whatever design I desired. Ten years have passed....I've made some choices, so am I getting closer?

I remember the conversations I had in my Krabi trip around this time last year. Krabi is a beautiful and peaceful place. Many people "escaped" there from wherever and whatever crappy lives they used to have. Are they really happy now? Cause I see them contended to immerse themselves in whatever vocations they were in and just let life and time pass them through. Their lives are just another drop in the ocean. No fire.

So what did I answer my old friend today? I said it's not about the place...but what one truly wanna do with his life. And he knew it. I've been to so many parts of the world, adapted and tasted the various colourful cultures and different mindsets but I still haven't found what I was looking for (yeah I like the song!). I also said when I find my calling, I may be assigned to travel around the globe. Not many will believe me, but he agreed though he had no clue what I was talking about.

I think one of the greatest tragedies is not to discover one's voice, and be that voice. Not just another voice that blends in, diluted and unrecognized.

I've always loved this old U2's gospel-inspired song for like almost two decades...it's still meaningful to me, perhaps more than ever. ;)

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Of my shame, you know I believe it

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for...

Oh, I will post pictures from my Manado dive trip soon. I've begun posting some in Facebook.