Manipulation

Have you ever heard of Manipulative Selling? Ever been a victim? Some professional salesmen use it (eg. door-to-door salesperson selling kitchenware, encyclopedias, house cleaning products etc.). Others for other things. And you slowly began to realized you're caught so deep into his (salesman) talk and you just couldn't say no, or you feel bad for refusing. Eventually, you're "victimized"!

A couple of months back, I received a call from a company saying a friend of mine wanna share a free "cleaning service" (I can't be specific here) with me, for my house etc. From that short conversation, I intuitively caught the 1st sign of selling. Sign: Offer something free to gain consent. But I agreed cos I needed that little bit of cleaning. So we scheduled an appointment for their staff to come to do the cleaning.

On the appointed day, before he stepped in my house the "cleaner" asked if my wife was around. He said he can come back another day unless my wife was around. It was too obvious for me. Sign: Get through the wife (this is a big common one). Since my wife wasn't around, I said I share much of the cleaning chore, so he agreed to come in. I knew the "cleaner" was more than a cleaner....

Then he wanna "present to me" me the product used for cleaning. Offense: Actual purpose inconsistent with the intention conveyed over the phone. I played along and allowed him but in my mind, all my defenses were alerted. But I thought it was still fair for him to show his demo first before giving me the free cleaning.

He quoted many researched facts (typically) to present the benefits of the product. I recognized many other methods he used in his manner of speaking, tone of voice, pause between words, play with eyes etc. He even had his wife as his assistant during demo, who apparently was a victim of a particular health condition until she used that product which was recommended by a reputable doctor. Oh come on! I'm not one of those under-educated customers/housewives easily impressed by these talks.

He proceeded to applied cognitive dissonance into his presentation. Example suggestive lines like "don't you love...", "don't you want what's best for your family...", and later after the cleaning, he crossed the line by using leading questions like: "if I put all these dirt back, will you want to lie down there again?" in a slightly threatening (very subtle but recognizable) manner, and repeated the question, pressing for my inevitable reply "No" and "Yes, I can see how wonderful your product is!". Offense: Manipulating/lay traps for an answer using subtle threats. This was a serious offense and insult for me.

To keep it short, he later used other manipulative techniques, and thought he could close the sale (cos I was showing interest). Of course it was a "Negative" all along for me. He pushed repeatedly for instant response but couldn't take "No" for an answer at first. An average customer would have felt bad at that point, but I was countering everything mercilessly. I can be heartlessly brutal to someone who tries to manipulate my feelings (high and low) all along.

Maybe all forms of selling are manipulative, in a way. It's an active game which no one has to lose. Does 'win-win' sounds familiar? It's not wrong for salesmen to try to convince or even be persistent in persuasion. I do believe in using persuasion and influence techniques. Like magic, I love (and long) to see great skills being displayed. But what's the intent? How do you use them? When does it cross the line? For me, the No.1 thing is probably TRUST. And also INTEGRITY. I can smell the intentions of crooks from miles away...my given nickname by my family during childhood was 'crazy crook'! Go figure. Haha.

So how do you sell anything to someone like me?

1) First, there must be a genuinely good product that

2) you truly believe and think is beneficial (I can sense unbelief too easily).

3) It's ok to introduce the product to me and let it "grow" in my head over time, but

4) forget about the technicalities of selling, I'm not your average customer (it may actually be counter-effective bcos you're only alerting all my defense mechanisms).

5) For expensive products, I would normally buy something only because I've wanted to buy (and have acquired some info). No impulse buying. Your message must resonate with my desire.

6) So, stop presenting to me the facts that you would present to everyone, because I would normally have know them already. It's better to let me ask the questions and they can be quite detailed, so better get your facts right and ready. It annoys me when salesmen avoid my questions by leading on to some other plus points of the product to cover up their incompetency or ignorance. I may nod my head but actually I've "switched off" instead.

7) When I say "I need some time to think", it may mean "I'll do active considerations". Not necessarily mean a "No". The best (and only thing really) you can do is give me the space. Best not to push it.

8) Above all, never abuse my trust when I consent/allow you in to sell to me.

The games that people play...